i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
