dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize