I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
