you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
