$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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