he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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