hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
