Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
