I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize