I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
try to milk me bitch
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize