It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
