How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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