Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
