I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
