Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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