At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This is my gift to your gina
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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