we're blogging at a bar
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
