I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
