took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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