She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
