I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
