At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
