so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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