people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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