I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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