I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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