My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
