4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
