It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
