At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Are we still banned from the library?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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