She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
