you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
