Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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