I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
