I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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