A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize