I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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