well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
