I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
