My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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