This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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