Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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