I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
