i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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