I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
