I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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