You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
