Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
