He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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