capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The power of my boobs compel you
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
