You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
