You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why is your signature on my underwear?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
