I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
only if we run a train.
done.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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