I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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