Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
