Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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