I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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