are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
