yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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