I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
