I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
